On Being Mindful

Being mindful is a term that is done to death. I first came across this term during my PG, where one of my faculties was discussing about Thich Nhat Hanh, when he was just becoming popular in India. She expounded the monk's theory of mindfulness and said how we should be mindful of everything that we do. At the age of 22, I didn't understand this concept. You just do things, right? So what is the difference between doing things and doing things "mindfully"? Out of all the things that she said that day, one example is still stuck to my mind. I remember her saying something to the effect of, "even if you are doing something as simple as, say having an orange, be mindful of its flavours, think about how the earth has produced this wonderful fruit, absorb the wonderful smell that the fruit emantes when you peel it...savour the burst of tangy juice when the fruit is bitten". And I was thinking, "Heh, how boring? who would do all this? Then all that I would end up doing in my life is just eat one orange." and left it at that.

When I was a student, life was so much simpler. There really weren't many things that was crowding my head. Or atleast, I don't remember many things crowding my head. Focusing on things at hand was much simpler. Sitting for hours together in the same place, trying to understand and learn theories and concepts were easy. It was effortless. But as I moved out of student life and stepped into the corporate world, also simultaneously stepping into the role of a wife, things changed.

Suddenly, it was all too much. At the office I was thinking about home, at home, I was thinking about parents, when with friends, I was thinking about my husband, when with husband I was thinking about my friends...and the worst part is, I didn't even realise what a mess I was creating in my mind. The only outward symptom was that I could not write. How can I, when I couldn't hold any single thought for more than a few moments? I went around convincing myself that I don't have time, I have too many other things to do and the worst excuse, I don't have the discipline to sit and type out my thoughts into words. How can I do that, when I could hardly even grasp what it was that I was thinking?

And after almost 6 years, I again heard the word "mindfulness" from another teacher. This time, however, it came with a practical guide. She told us how to be mindful. "There are two ways. One, whatever action you are doing, keep repeating the name of the action in your mind. For example, if you are washing vessels, repeat 'wahing' gently in your mind, so that the mind gets fixed on the name of the action. Another way to do this is to bring your mind where your hands are. By doing this, you bring back your wandering mind within yourself. Try this for an hour everyday." she said.

It sounded so easy, but trust me, it is very frustrating initially. It takes a lot of effort. It is like trying to make a squirming child sit in your lap, when all it wants it to run around the place and wreck havoc. But if I approach my mind like a child, with love, patience and perseverance, it does become mindful and starts focusing only on the task at hand. All other chatter drops away and I am able to do the action with a single pointed mind. And when I am doing so, there is no anxiety or expectation of the future -either related to the work am doing or some other random thing. Neither am I immersed in the past memories -good or bad.

One of the most ridiculous thoughts that I had initially was, If I rid my mind of its thoughts, then when will I think? When will I arrive at all the important decisions that I have to make day in and day out? Isn't it ridiculous? But then, when I started trying it out, I realized that most of my thoughts were garbage anyway. And when I let the thoughts pass, without paying much attention to them, the mind became quiet. And when the mind is quiet, clarity comes automatically. Then I realized that all the answers are already there! All that I need to know to conduct my life at this moment, I knew automatically and effortlessly. And that, is enough for now.