Post Covid recovery - a personal experience

There is so much rage within.  A rage born out of frustration. A rage that is always simmering because of the inability to be myself. A rage that is also fed by the fact that what I am going through is nothing when compared to the sufferings of others. And also a rage at the social conditioning that makes us feel our sufferings are not valid because it is always compared to what the "others" go through. 

There is still very little conversation about post-covid recovery. And this lack of conversation led me to believe that all that I was experiencing was in my head. Well, now I am slowly understanding that it is not just in my head. It is real. I don't want to talk much about my covid story here. Nothing remarkable about it. I tested positive on June 6, 2020 and was in home quarantine till June 22, 2020. I had mild symptoms and did not experience any breathlessness whatsoever by God's grace. I slept away the first week of quarantine and was counting down the days to be released from the prison of my room the second week.

By second week of quarantine, I had resumed teaching yoga morning and evening through my ongoing online classes. I even managed a little bit of yoga practice because I had nothing else to do. I was happy that I felt almost back to normal and was ready to hit the ground running. But I was in for a rude shock. 

Post quarantine, even a little bit of work tired me out like anything. I could barely go through my day without napping twice -once right after my morning class and one more at around 2 pm. Each nap was for a solid 1.30-2 hours. All this sleep inspite of me sleeping soundly for 6-7 hours in the night! This still continues even to this day - almost 20 days after I came out from quarantine. Even the simplest task requires me to take breaks. There is a constant pain in the limbs and all that the body wants to do is sleep. All this, am talking about a 32 year old body that has been religiously practicing yogasana for the past 4 years, almost every single day! 

Let us not even talk about the mind. It is like the mind is stuffed with cotton and everything is processed through this hazy cloud. This, am talking about the mind that has been trained with rigorous japa and meditation for the past 4 years. The mind that has been worked upon through pranayama. The mind which has always been clear and sharp. It is now like a blunted knife that is being waved around aimlessly. That too only for a few minutes before it gets tired and clatters down uselessly.

With such damaged equipment, pulling through everyday life becomes a chore. I have no energy for my regular practices, which further makes me less energetic. It is like a vicious spiral. The responsibilities of the day awaits and each day unfolds as it does. Doing what I can and not worrying too much about what I can't. For this, I am blessed because I have the most supportive family and boss. 

Initially, this physical and mental condition freaked me out. But the internet came to rescue.I read about other recovering patients going through what I am going through. It made me feel validated that I am not alone in this and that it is not in my head. It soothed me because I was doubting myself at this point whether I was making it all up or was I really experiencing it. And that prompted me to come and share my experiences, inspite of me not telling many that I tested positive. Maybe this will help another person stop doubting themselves and wondering if what they are going through is real or imagined.

Also, for those who aren't taking the necessary precautions seriously, please understand that it is not only about recovering from the infection. The after effects linger for much longer. Please don't put yourself / your loved ones and the society through this. 

As of now, all I am doing is taking it one day at a time. Not pushing myself -which is very difficult because I am a very driven personality. I am also not beating myself up for not doing much, because that is not going to help me right now. Not judging myself or calling me lazy etc because I have a tendency to go down that spiral. I am listening to uplifting chants and talks. I am allowing my body to rest as much as it needs. I am thanking it every day for fighting a battle and emerging victorious against this novel virus. Above all, I am counting my blessings every single day and thanking the Lord and the Masters for their grace. 

This too shall pass. In the mean time, hang in there people.