A Day Unfolds


Yesterday started with me feeling sad. Am taking a week long break from teaching yoga, which means I get extra 3-4 hours per day at my disposal. As usual, I started making too many plans, but somewhere, having learnt the lessons from past experiences, I forced myself to slow down with my crazy planning and reminded myself that this is a "BREAK WEEK" , which means I truly do have to take a break, rest, rejuvenate and refresh myself by doing  / not doing things as appropriate.

Yesterday morning, I woke up with a head full of ideas and the mindset to actually go all out and execute them all...inspired, excited and thrilled...bright eyed and bushy tailed and what not. The darkened windows mislead me into thinking I was up early, but when I checked the time, it was already 7 am, which meant I don't have the time to actually execute all that I had in mind. Why you ask? Well, my little one, who is now 16 months, will wake up in another 45 mins to 1 hour and once she is up, there is no way I can do what I wanted to do. It is important that I give her my undivided time and attention as soon as she wakes up for about 20-30 minutes, so that she starts the day in a happy mood.

It suddenly filled me with a deep sadness. I opened my eyes feeling so pumped up and I checked the time and deflated like a balloon, all within a matter of few seconds. I started feeling a deep sense of sadness and I went about my morning chores with this sadness clinging around my chest and pulling me down. I have been trying not to push away my feelings and hence, sat with the sadness and let it tell me why it was there as I did my morning meditation and pranayam. 

As predicted, baby woke up and then the day became a blur till about 10. As I was offering my prayers, I realised that the sadness was because I was unable to do what I wanted / had planned to do. While keeping flowers at Gurudev Sw. Chinmayananda's feet, I heard HIS voice tell me that whatever I am called to do at that moment is God's will and that I am just an instrument in HIS hands.

This instantly snapped me out of my blues. While it is absolutely ok to be sad, I also understood that we are called to do what we NEED to do for our highest good. As Gurudev says, "Choice less performance of duties as worship of God" automatically uplifts and purifies our minds.

Then, as I lay in bed at night, with the baby finally sleeping after rolling, crawling, kicking and smooching all over me for about 40 minutes, I felt that my face was hurting  - not from her shenanigans but from the wide grin that I was sporting. I realised that I had done all that I had wanted to do for that day when I woke up and had also done some more! 

By HIS grace, the day truly unfolded. And by being in this state of flow...in this state of conscious remembrance, gratitude and love...being fully present without rejecting or embracing any experience, life itself unfolds a little bit more with each passing moment. 

Signing off with profound gratitude :)

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