A Pasue to Reflect

A smile a laugh- a flash of joy and a fleeting moment of happiness. The same joy curdles into sorrow, the same laugh morphs into tears. The drama goes on and on –day and night, without a pause.

I wake up, brush, bath, eat, work, eat, work, eat and sleep and thus, another day starts. I may fool myself that by taking away the “work” part, my life may become more fun, but who can ever remain, even for a moment, without doing any activity –physical or mental?

In this framework, infused are the little twists and turns in life. No matter where I am or what I do, I still follow this rhythm of life. Along comes the friends and lovers, and just as they come, they leave too. Parents, spouse, siblings, relatives, in-laws, together we all tumble along the merciless path of time –now here and now no more.

Set goals, they say. Achieve something, they say. Make money, build a house, decorate it with baubles and paint your way into good cheer, travel, have kids, raise them, fill your wardrobe with beautiful clothes, fill your lockers with expensive jewelry, wine and dine in places so fine, eat at the roadside stall and shove the moment down the throat of others through an Instagram post.

Beautify oneself, defy age, look young, be slim, sweat it out in the gym but always sit in an A/C room. Soft bed,  nice clothes, expensive cosmetics, parlor appointments, spas and massages, pout away for the selfies and pictures –Oh my life is so much fun! Scream this from the top of the Facebook wall. 

Feed it, clothe it, protect it and preserve it. Slog day and night only to nourish it.  Hoard and hoard for me and mine. Insure and secure. The whip wielded by the most primal fear cracks mercilessly behind all my actions. To protect this bundle of flesh and bones.  Am I just this physical body?

Like a flowing river, now the thoughts flow over rocky terrain -all roaring and jumping and gushing and falling, now over the plains –winding and twisting, calm and serene, here a whirlpool of sorrow, there a current of anger, plunging down to the depths of despair and gurgling gloriously with love and elation. My thoughts determine my moods. Am I just my emotions?

Clouded and dark, I often falter at the right and wrong. Who can say, what is right and what is wrong? But knowingly I sin, as if unable to exercise my will. Knowingly I fall, not being able to heed to the higher call. But at times, the clouds part. In the brilliance of the light, I see, what I can be.

Pushing away the clouds, cutting my way through the dense darkness, guided by the burning urge to know, I march forward. Why am I here? What is this world? Who is God and what is soul? Who is this “I” that wants to know? Answers are there –already there. Not only in the books, not only in scriptures, not only in music that stirs ones soul, not only in the glorious nature that awes and humbles, not only in the miracles and not only in the mundane.

Nestling deep within my own bosom. It peeps its head out with every utterance of great Masters. I flashes its brilliance in moments of worship. It teases me mercilessly at moments of clarity. It taunts me with its unfathomable bliss, as I close my eyes in its contemplation. I am. I am. I am. And nothing else matters.