Manah Sodhanam - Why I need it

I love running. I took up running only in 2012. I didn't know that running could give me so much joy. Especially long distance running. I was fascinated and was in awe of myself when I completed running my first 5 kilo meters in the gym. I seriously didn't know that my body was capable of actually running for 5 kilo meters...the heavy 70 kg me! Running! OMG!!! I was just beyond myself.

While I was a regular walker, who easily walks 10-12 kms in a stretch, running was beyond imagination. Now, when I say running, don't expect something like sprinting or thundering my way to glory. Just imagine a moderately paced jog at a speed of say, 8 kms/hr.

Slowly, I got addicted to the endorphin rush and pushed myself to do my first 10km run in 2013 July. Since then, I have ran 2 other 10k runs and currently am practicing for my 21.5K run, which I want to do in June 2015. My mom hates the fact that I run. So does my dad. "Why do you strain yourself unnecessarily?" they ask. But you know why? Because, when I run, beyond the 2-3 km mark, I fall into a rhythm. I enter into the magical world of joggers high. All that I can focus on is my breathing. My mind becomes single pointed. And that focus, that emptiness of mind, is so refreshing.


 My mind constantly keeps chattering. Sometimes, I get so irritated with this constant chatter. It chatters about work, about my husband, about my parents, some random songs keeps looping endlessly, I worry about this and that, I wonder what I should do with my life, I think of stories and plots, figure out what I should cook the next day, feel unhappy about some of the things that I don't have in my life, then feel guilty and hurriedly thank God for all that he has given...all this within a span of a minute.

But then, when I run, the chatter stops after a point. It is just the thump thump of my shoes hitting the pavement and the whoosh of my breath. And that, my friend, is just so amazing. I run, again and again and again to experience that quiet. Of course, it gives a bit of a pleasure when people look at you wide eyed and say "Oh!! you run 10k?? Wow!!". Looking at me, many people hardly believe that I am capable of running. I don't have the lean and mean built of a runner.

So fine...why am I going on and on about running? I just wanted to give a peek into how my mind works. When I am so very engrossed in some work or some activity, the mind becomes quiet. But if I do something that I don't like, or I am not very engrossed into, it starts chattering. This chattering brings so much of unwanted disturbances. I imagine so many hypothetical situations -like, what will happen when I become old? What will happen if my mother falls sick? OHMYGOD! I didn't revert to this client on this particular issue. I wish I had a figure like that babe walking in front of me. How nice it will be if it was Friday evening every single day...ufff...You see where I am going? If I don't find a way to quiet this mind, I will spend half my waking time feeling insecure, afraid, jealous, angry, petty, sad and what not. Even though you put a stop to the negative thoughts constantly, it keeps rearing its ugly head. To counter this, I keep myself extremely occupied. I read a lot, play, write, cook, learn new slokas and indulge in a whole host of activities that makes me happy -just to keep myself from getting bored and sullen.

But then, are these the long term solutions? No right? So what is it that I have to do? I have to purify my mind. I have to condition it and train it so that, it stops its constant and unwanted chatter. And that is where Manah Sodhanam comes into picture. Let us star from the next post on what this text talks about. It has 25 verses and we will see one verse at a time in the upcoming posts -for the next 25 days. Hari Om!