I Am

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Image courtesy -http://rj-mccauley.blogspot.in


I am. Any word that I say after this is only an expression of this I am. And to just be with I am, is absolute bliss. Even if I say that I am at peace, the peace of being I am is lost. Why? Because I am is now attached to a feeling. Why am I talking about this early in the morning? Because if I am able to hold on only to "I am", consciously for a few minutes in a day, it automatically brings so much clarity to my thoughts, focus to my work, peace and contentment in my mind and love for everyone and everything in my heart. And to be in this place of just being, without getting myself carried away by the labels that my body, mind or intellect attaches to this "I am", takes conscious effort.

When I am, I am no longer a wife, a daughter, a daughter in law, a friend, a sister. I am not a woman. I am not even a human being. I am just life. When I free myself of all this bodily identities, all the responsibilities, expectations, duties, wants -both mine and that which I think others have of me -are suspended. And when I become all these again, I play all these role with a lot more love and a lot less expectations -from myself and from those around me. When the expectations are reduced, anger, fear and insecurities are not in the picture. And when these are no longer clouding my vision, all that I have to do is focus at the task on hand and just do my best.

When I am, I am no longer an Indian, a Hindu, a Tamil, a post graduate, a feminist, a runner, a writer, a yogi, a seeker. I am free of all the labels that I have given myself. There is no need to confirm my thoughts or actions or opinions to fit these labels. I am my worst critique and judge. And the judgement comes because I expect myself to behave in a certain way. Without these labels, there is a freedom to just witness my thoughts without judging them. With the freedom to just be, there is more acceptance. With acceptance comes a balanced vision where I can see my short comings as just areas of improvement and work on them, instead of either covering up my short comings or seeing only the positives in me.

When I am, I have no past. I have no future. There are no memories crowding my mind, nor are there anxieties casting their shadows. I have no scores to settle, I have nothing to look back and miss, I have nothing to plan for, I have nothing to wish for, I have nothing to be wistful about. In this single moment, I am full, complete, blissed and content-only by the merit of being and nothing else. I drop all that I can no longer change or that I can never hope to control.

These moments of "I am" are short. The labels come back in no time. But their adhesive power becomes weaker and weaker -just like a duct tape that is peeled and glued again and again.

Comments

  1. abi14 January 2017 at 11:00

    We are born with that label "Iam" and in the process of growning I learn lot of things, which makes us lose the clarity of Iam. One needs to just unlearn things to realize Iam

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    1. a22 January 2017 at 13:02

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