How much longer will India be the land of festivals?
For the uninitiated, Karadayan Nombu falls on the first day of "Pangunii" month as per the Tamil calendar. Legend has it that Savitri, rescued her husband Satyavan's life from Yama on this day. So every year, young girls and married women pray to the Goddess to bless them with good husbands and for longevity and good health of their husbands respectively. We wear a yellow thread around our neck on this day and make a special delicacy -the jaggery adai and the salt adai. The time to tie the thread around the neck is usually the moment the month is born. As far as I can remember, it has been at convenient times. Even on those days when the month is born late in the afternoon or evening, we all managed -even if it came on a working day. The most important thing is, at the time of tying the thread, we must have the adais ready for offering to God.
This year, like a joke being played on us, the Panguni month was born -like a good baby, on a Sunday, BUT, at 4 am in the morning. Seriously! So we had to tie the thread between 4 am to 4.30 am. OOOkkkkaaayyyy...that can be managed...but what about the adais? I have to mention here a very important thing... I don't know how to make the adais. And neither do I have a great inclination to learn it in the near future. My mother in law, being the sweet woman that she is, was discussing how to get the adais ready before 4 am. I told her, "Amma, there is no point in getting the adais ready that early in the morning. Anyways we will not be able to eat them at 4.30 am. So I will get up early, take bath, do the pooja and just tie the thread alone. I will offer fruits as neivedhyam to Gods. You get up by 7 or so and do the adais." My mother in law is pretty practical in these matters and she consented.
On the other hand, my grandmother had insisted that my mother do the adais and offer it to God and tie the thread, all before 4.30 am. And my mom complied.
So anyways, Sunday morning I had set the alarm at 3.30 am. I got up, swept and mopped the house, took bath, draped on my silk 9 yards (A small shastra tangent -if the sari is silk, you don't have to wash it and dry it the previous day separately. You can just directly wear it as silk and wool does not have "Theetu"), did my pooja, tied the thread by 4.25 am, changed into regular clothes and jumped back into bed and was sound asleep again by 4.45am.
Not too much of effort right? Now that I get up regularly at around 4.30 am, I thought an hour earlier will be no big deal. But, I was feeling absolutely murderous when the alarm shrilled at 3.30 am. My irritation sky rocketed when my husband was snoring oblivious to the alarm. My mind voice was like, "Dude, I am doing this so that YOU get to live a long life. There must be something that you must also be made to do on this day!" I remember since childhood that my dad always tied the thread around my mom's neck and my mom tied it for me. But there is no way on earth my husband will do that, even if it was on some reasonable hour of the day, leave alone at 4 am.
So while mopping the house at 3.45 am, I felt that it was things like these that has caused the dilution of our customs and traditions. To be very honest, I don't know if I would have got up at 3.30 am and did all these on a Sunday, if my mother in law was not there. I would have happily got up at 7 or 8, bathed and did the puja leisurely. But the presence of an elder made the difference. Not that she forces our customs and traditions down my throat. It is just that, like how school kids behave when the teacher is in the classroom, I feel that I "behave" -in the sense, do what needs do be done, without resorting to short cuts, when my mother in law is in the house.
Another thing is, when you have someone to celebrate the festival with, then the occasion becomes more joyful. I remember a Krishna Jayanthi couple of years back, when my mother in law was not in town. My husband came home late from work that day and my brother in law was also not around. I had no enthusiasm to put elaborate kolams or make sweets and savories for the puja. I just did a basic payasam and finished the puja in no time. Even the task of putting the kolam, something which I love, was burdensome. But if my mother in law is with me, preparing for the pujas and also doing them becomes a pleasure and not a task. We discuss what needs to be done, we shop for things together, decorate our home, visit a temple together...it is just much more fun with her around.
So coming back to the point, I am wondering... isn't this how the traditions die? Haven't we all seen the facebook posts of a newly married girls who posts pictures of all the dishes she made and the pujas that she did on the first year of her marriage -even if she was living abroad. After that, where are the pictures and posts for the second year? Did they even do anything or did they just loose the inclination to post what they did? Also, let us be honest here. All the puja holidays that we get? The Vinayaka chaturthis and Pongal holidays and Navaratri holidays...won't we rather plan a trip around those holidays rather than actually doing the puja?
Me, and of course, many of my generation people still follow these customs and traditions -atleast in their diluted form -mainly because we have elders who live with us and guide us. But as I said, if not for my mother in law, I will be the lazy bum that I am and would rather not put myself through all the extra work. But, maybe, if my husband was also equally inclined in all these and participated equally in all the religious traditions, then I would have more enthusiasm to celebrate the functions -irrespective of whether my mother in law is there in town or not.
On a slightly closer inspection, it is glaringly evident that the society questions only the women on the adherence of customs and traditions. What sweets did you make for Diwali? Did you do seedai for Krishna Jayanthi? How many kozhukattais did you make for Vinayaka Chaturthi? No one asks the guys whether they did the puja or took the sankalpa or read the ashtothram. And seriously, what is this obsession with eatables? All our pujas has one delicacy that we make specifically for that function. I am not complaining! But when the act of doing the delicacy falls on my head, I would feel inclined to do it only if my husband is also doing what he is supposed to do for the puja -i.e actually sit and do the puja :) And, if we were to do all the pujas as per the norms, it really takes a lot of effort and discipline. Won't we all rather get up late on a holiday after slogging at work? When this is the prevailing mentality, what will make us get up early and do the pujas, if not the compulsion of our elders?
Already, except in banks, schools and other government institutions, most of the minor functions are delegated to "restricted holiday" options. Who knows, may be in the next 50 years, we may not even get a holiday to celebrate these functions, because people would have opted out of the celebrations with stupid questions like, "Did Lord Ganesha ask for Kozhukattais?" or did "How can the just born baby Krishna eat the hard seedai?" and lazed around the whole day.
So while mopping the house at 3.45 am, I felt that it was things like these that has caused the dilution of our customs and traditions. To be very honest, I don't know if I would have got up at 3.30 am and did all these on a Sunday, if my mother in law was not there. I would have happily got up at 7 or 8, bathed and did the puja leisurely. But the presence of an elder made the difference. Not that she forces our customs and traditions down my throat. It is just that, like how school kids behave when the teacher is in the classroom, I feel that I "behave" -in the sense, do what needs do be done, without resorting to short cuts, when my mother in law is in the house.
Another thing is, when you have someone to celebrate the festival with, then the occasion becomes more joyful. I remember a Krishna Jayanthi couple of years back, when my mother in law was not in town. My husband came home late from work that day and my brother in law was also not around. I had no enthusiasm to put elaborate kolams or make sweets and savories for the puja. I just did a basic payasam and finished the puja in no time. Even the task of putting the kolam, something which I love, was burdensome. But if my mother in law is with me, preparing for the pujas and also doing them becomes a pleasure and not a task. We discuss what needs to be done, we shop for things together, decorate our home, visit a temple together...it is just much more fun with her around.
So coming back to the point, I am wondering... isn't this how the traditions die? Haven't we all seen the facebook posts of a newly married girls who posts pictures of all the dishes she made and the pujas that she did on the first year of her marriage -even if she was living abroad. After that, where are the pictures and posts for the second year? Did they even do anything or did they just loose the inclination to post what they did? Also, let us be honest here. All the puja holidays that we get? The Vinayaka chaturthis and Pongal holidays and Navaratri holidays...won't we rather plan a trip around those holidays rather than actually doing the puja?
Me, and of course, many of my generation people still follow these customs and traditions -atleast in their diluted form -mainly because we have elders who live with us and guide us. But as I said, if not for my mother in law, I will be the lazy bum that I am and would rather not put myself through all the extra work. But, maybe, if my husband was also equally inclined in all these and participated equally in all the religious traditions, then I would have more enthusiasm to celebrate the functions -irrespective of whether my mother in law is there in town or not.
On a slightly closer inspection, it is glaringly evident that the society questions only the women on the adherence of customs and traditions. What sweets did you make for Diwali? Did you do seedai for Krishna Jayanthi? How many kozhukattais did you make for Vinayaka Chaturthi? No one asks the guys whether they did the puja or took the sankalpa or read the ashtothram. And seriously, what is this obsession with eatables? All our pujas has one delicacy that we make specifically for that function. I am not complaining! But when the act of doing the delicacy falls on my head, I would feel inclined to do it only if my husband is also doing what he is supposed to do for the puja -i.e actually sit and do the puja :) And, if we were to do all the pujas as per the norms, it really takes a lot of effort and discipline. Won't we all rather get up late on a holiday after slogging at work? When this is the prevailing mentality, what will make us get up early and do the pujas, if not the compulsion of our elders?
Already, except in banks, schools and other government institutions, most of the minor functions are delegated to "restricted holiday" options. Who knows, may be in the next 50 years, we may not even get a holiday to celebrate these functions, because people would have opted out of the celebrations with stupid questions like, "Did Lord Ganesha ask for Kozhukattais?" or did "How can the just born baby Krishna eat the hard seedai?" and lazed around the whole day.
Nicely written Aruna!!!
ReplyDeleteIs Grand Sweets not selling Vella adai and uppu adai ?
ReplyDeleteThanks Ratnesh :-)
ReplyDeleteAdorable Aucklander, they do. But then, not as tasty and too costly :-(
Nicely written......
ReplyDeleteThanks Sathyaravi :)
ReplyDeleteHa, I like this one and have been contemplating writing something on these lines. But my thoughts are a bit more radical. Bring forced to do something sucks the joy out of everything. Also, when a woman's role is mainly being seen as slogging in the kitchen and discussions among the women revolve around the number of modaks or the number of steps arranged during golu and nothing at all apart from that, I feel like these traditions become so regressive in today's world. To be honest, when society relegates a woman only as the flag bearer of traditions and doesn't value her contribution to society and the workforce, I prefer abandoning these small festivals. New rules need to be made for the festivals. The old gender based roles won't work going forward.
ReplyDelete